The Vast Homosexual Conspiracy

I can't help but suspect that the Church's brilliant* plan to ban homosexuals from becoming priests is somehow related to the recently reported anal sex sweeping the nation (and Queens). Anyway, I think the Church has finally figured out the most devious, dastardly plan ever conceived by the vast homosexual conspiracy: gays have infiltrated the priesthood and used their role as marriage counselors to encourage anal sex among couples, who then get "bored" (see NYT cruising article) and start having sex with DUDES! I tell you, those poofs sure are tricky.

*I mean, priesthood is such a hot career these days, they have to do something to winnow out the chaff.