Busted Skeleton

I was shocked, shocked! to read this headline in the Times:

Skeleton Coach Will Not Go To Turin

My wonder came not at the fact that the coach, Tim Nardiello, has been found by the US Olympic Committee to have committed "inappropriate interactions" just one day after an arbitrator said that he had not committed sexual harrassment. No, it's because, what the hell is a skeleton team??? I picture a seven foot tall pile of bones figure skating or ambling down a ski jump, competing against the undead of Italy, Germany, and China, then awkwardly mounting the podium to receive the gold and the wreath of laurels on his bony head. Go, skeleton, go!

I guess more than anything I'm just disappointed. When I was about sixteen I had to accept that I was never going to be an Olympic champion, as I excelled in no sports and was already getting too old to pick something up. But if only I had known there was a skeleton team, I totally could have rocked that shit! I was a damn skinny kid - a little doping and I could have made skeleton weight no problem. Oh well. Opportunities lost...

Oh, wait. I just looked it up on Wikipedia, which says:

Skeleton is an individual, sledding, winter sport where competitors drive the sled in a prone, head-first position down an ice track on a sled or 'sleigh'.

Uh, that sounds scary. Nevermind.