Dishonest Abramoff

Jack Abramoff, the worst Indian-fucker since Andrew Jackson, is in talks with prosecutors to plead guilty to fraud charges in exchange for cooperation in investigations of Congressional fraud. Abramoff was left with little choice when his cohorts turned on him faster than you can say three free shrimp, but as a result, I predict that we're about to learn some seamy and shocking information about some of our nation's most respected, ahem, I mean powerful, politicians. Rep. Robert W. Ney (R-Ohio), has already been informed by investigators that he may be indicted on a bribery charge, and the already-indicted Tom DeLay and Abramoff have already been linked, but what other goodies will be found in Abramoff's house of secrets?

Let's see...
:: Alaskan senator Ted Stevens promised Inuits three sealskins each if they would go wait on those ice floes over there while he looks for something he left under the ice.

:: Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum paid Abramoff $3 million to keep their weekly gay sex sessions "on the down low"

:: Abramoff was instrumental in getting the Chevron oil tanker named "Condoleezza Rice." Without his intervention, it would have been called, "Windfall Tax My Ass."

:: When California congressman Duke Cunningham cried during his resignation after pleading guilty to accepting bribes, he was shedding crocodile tears. Or rather, he was shedding tears because his crocodile-skin briefcase, a gift from Jack Abramoff, had been seized.