New York is for lovers... of heterosexual marriage

A New York State court of appeals overturned a ruling that would have allowed same-sex marriages in the Big Apple. The judge in the initial ruling stated that the state's domestic relations law, which prohibits same-sex marriage, is unconstitutional, but the appeals court has decided that it is not, in fact, an unconstitutional law. Lawyers for the plaintiffs, five gay couples, vow to appeal to the "highest court in the land [of New York]," which is inconveniently not called the Supreme Court in this state, because for some reason they named their state trial court the Supreme Court.

Mayor Bloomberg expressed his relief: "It didn't seem fair to me that New York City should have to suffer the administrative burden of being a destination for same-sex weddings." He went on to say, "I can't even begin to describe the disaster this would cause for tourism, Broadway, shopping, high-end hotels, and restaurants. Having to host the celebrations of people who are marrying after many years of waiting for the opportunity, and thus likely to pull out all the stops, would have been sure to damage our economy beyond repair." Then he smoked a cigar, played a few rounds of golf, called the President and said, "NOW do you believe I'm a Republican?"