The Envelope, Please

Well, the concessions speeches are in, and Freddy's really doin' it up. I just wish everyone could win, don't you?

What should we make of the non-earth-shattering election results? Let me explain; no, no, there is too much. Let me sum up.

1) Bloomberg won handily. The moral: people like Bloomberg, despite his Republicanitude.
2) Democrats Corzine and Kaine won the nation's two gubernatorial races in New Jersey and Virginia. The moral: people don't like George W. Bush much these days.
3) Texans ban gay marriage; Maineiacs (?) retain anti-discrimination law for gays. The moral: if you're gay, move to New England.
4) Kansas Board of Ed approves teaching challenges to evolution in science class. For the record, this has absolutely nothing to do with the elections, despite the 6-4 vote. The moral: Kansas has the most highly evolved school system in the country. Because God made it that way.

So no surprises here, folks, no major upsets, and I think we can expect pretty smooth sailing until gay cowboy movie Brokeback Mountain turns this country on its head come December. Yeehaw, I got my chaps on!