Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Least Favorite Olympic Athletes

God damn it. I just did this whole long post, and it was so hilarious, there were dogs on skis, you would have been rolling on the floor. But you will never see that post, because my browser crashed. Instead I'll do a eulogy for Mother Teresa. Just kidding. I'll do my carefully considered roundup of Least Favorite Olympic Athletes, garnered by approximately 28 minutes of watching the Games.

1) Gold: Bode Miller. I know, he's predictable, a go-to, really, but I mean, he has to medal in something. So there we go. Gold medal in arrogance, hot air, choking under pressure, and handsome, smoky gazes.

2) Silver: French figure skating guy. I missed his name, sorry. But the reason I hate him is because he just did this James Bond routine and he was wearing a leotard designed to look like a suit, with a black glove on one hand, 007 written on the back of the leotard (in case it wasn't obvious, which it's not, because it sort of looks like Michael Jackson from the Thriller days), and all this arm waving, which I believe is supposed to be an artistic gesture representing shooting guns. Ridiculous.

3) Bronze: Shaun White. I don't hate Shaun White, actually. He's kind of a goofy adorable stoner type with long red locks. But I'm jealous of his high, beautifully defined cheek bones.

* Honorable mention: the guy "Baby Huey" who screams at the American men's downhill skiiers at the gate at the beginning of their races. Apparently he's an unofficial motivator guy, but I think Ted Ligety won the gold tonight because he was just trying to get away from Baby Huey as fast as could.


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